Ministry of Internal Understanding

Another Service from Government

Dear Comrade Jeremy Cronin

South African Communist Party headquarters,
1 Karl Marx Street,
Johannesburg

 

Dear Comrade Jeremy Cronin,

Comrade, this is a very angry letter. I am very disappointed in you. No, more than that: my spirit is utterly broken when I think about you, Comrade. You have let me down, you’ve let the South African Communist Party down, you’ve let the Tripartite Alliance down and if you weren’t an atheist, I’d have said you’ve let the Lord down as well.

 

You have made Julius Malema and the Youth League angry. This is not a good thing at all, Comrade! Let me explain something about Julius to you, that you might not know, being a mere Communist Party member and all that. You must think of the Tripartite Alliance as an eccentric family. The ANC and SACP are the oft-estranged parents. COSATU is the scary uncle with prison tattoos and violent temper. The ANC Youth League and the Yong Communist’s League would be the children in this strange union. Julius Malema would then be the slow child, the one who causes the most trouble but gets away with it because everyone feels sorry for him. Everyone would tolerate his noise, and his embarrassing outbursts, because “he can’t help himself”. What you’ve gone and done is to try and correct this child, and by that you’ve upset everyone, including the slow child, Juju. It’s like everyone had agreed that Julius could pee in the sink, run on the stairs, slobber and slurp at the table, poo in his pants and scream as loud as he could because, you know, he’s the slow one and can’t help himself. Now you’ve tried to discipline him, and he’s not used to that. You’ve upset him. And when Juju is upset, he comes running to us, the ANC. His problems become our problems. Do you now realise just what you have done, Comrade?

 

Now that Julius has come to us, and now that his problems are our problems, you’ll have to deal with us. We’re not pleased about your conduct. As deputy General Secretary of the SACP, it should have been clear to you a long time ago that you are far down the pecking order of power and influence. How dare you expose the cracks in the Tripartite Alliance? Was it not explicitly said at the Polokwane Conference that any rifts in the Alliance would be hidden from the public, no matter what the implications for the country might be? If you don’t believe me, look up Polokwane Resolution #00000009/03: “Any rifts in the Tripartite shall be hidden from the public, no matter what the implications for the country might be.” As you can see for yourself, you are in direct contravention with a Polokwane Resolution. The actions of the Communist Party over the weekend have exposed the rifts within the Alliance. This is your fault. I’m sure I’ll have figured out why you are to blame, rather than Blade Nzimande or Gwede Mantashe before this letter reaches you.
This brings me to my other point. Since when has the Communist Party been the tail that wags the dog within the Alliance? Since the 40s, you say? Pah! Your place in the Alliance is to provide us, the ANC, with expertise necessary to run the country. We, in turn, give you a few minor Cabinet positions. That’s the deal! The ANC is still top dog, here. It’s simple: Blade is a mere Higher Education and Training Minister, and also the SACP General Secretary. You are the deputy General Secretary and Deputy Transport Minister. Gwede Mantashe is the Secretary General of the ANC as well as being the Chairperson of the SACP. Gwede Mantashe reports to Jacob Zuma as the Secretary General of the ANC. Blade Nzimande reports to Jacob Zuma as a Cabinet Minister. You report to Jacob Zuma as a deputy Cabinet Minister. Ergo, Jacob Zuma is boss of all. There you go, problem solved. As long as the Communist Party knows its place within the Alliance, all will be well.

 

When Julius Malema sent you that sms, saying you would see what was coming if you tried to go against him, he wasn’t joking. This stern letter of admonishment was what was coming.

 

Consider yourself warned, Comrade.

 

Yours in the Spirit of Tripartite Unity At All Costs,
COMRADE GOOD CHARLIE, Minister for the Internal Understanding of New and Confusing Polokwane Resolutions
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December 15, 2009 - Posted by | Letters to High Ranking Officials | , , , , , , ,

4 Comments »

  1. I am utterly confused as to why we need to refer to all politcians or people who are in power as COMRADE” it seems as if we are fighting to many wars on the home front that we need to refer to all people as comrades.
    This term of course refers to the fact that you are all comrades in arms. Can i ask what war is the the ANC, ANCYL and other tripartite alliance memebers fighting. What place do young white south africans have in this country or should we all start leaving now before a Julius Malema become’s our next president?
    I will not beat around the bush. I will call the pot black if it is. MALEMA is a RACIST and is so IGGNORANT to what he is doing to this country and the young south africans who still care about this place. Black, White, Coulered, Indian…. what eva race or background we come from we are all deeply offended by the fact that no one can stand up to this racist and tell him where to get off.
    Is this really the man to lead our country into the bright future… that we so clearly all deserve.
    I was not part aparthied yet my self and other young south africans may soon become part of it again. Look what happened to one of the most astonishing places in the world Zimbabwe because no one stood up to a tyrant Robert. The similarities are remarkable between Julius and Robert.
    I get the feeling that if you are not black you have no place in this country… sad as a good deal of the skill base in this country is white.
    Should it continue to go on like this with nothing done about Julius, self procalaimed General of the ANCYC him and his army will take this country down the drain.

    Wether or not this is even published i will start to do all in my power as a general citizen and lover of south africa to spread the word of this incompotent man and his helpers

    Bart Potgieter – proud to be south african

    Comment by Bart Potgieter | December 15, 2009 | Reply

  2. Maybe he’s an alien

    Maybe he’s an alien
    the ANC Youth League’s
    defender of our morals
    and loudspeaker-extraordinaire
    one Julius Malema, he of
    ‘You don’t need to go
    to Oxford University’

    If you must know
    I mean the pointy-eared
    ones you see in movies
    not the ones you disparage
    for stealing your jobs, houses,
    your women and children

    Maybe he’s an alien
    I don’t mean the shifty-eyed
    ones you see up the poles
    in the vote-hawking season
    and not many times more

    You don’t need to read
    write or even count a little
    never mind university
    just be election fodder

    Maybe he’s an alien
    a-coming down to save us
    from our pitiful selves

    Maybe he’s an alien
    and will be departed soon

    In response to the ANC Youth League’s foot-in-mouth-emperor-leader’s threat to the counter-revolutionary University of Cape Town, I do my bit – taking-the-Mickey-out-of-Julius – before he sends his storm-troopers around to re-educate me in the ways of the correct party-line, Thursday afternoon, 16 April 2009.

    Comment by David Kapp | January 18, 2010 | Reply

  3. Maybe he’s a Freirerian

    Maybe he’s a Freirerian
    the ANC Youth League’s
    defender of our morals
    and loudspeaker-extraordinaire
    one Julius Malema, he of
    ‘You don’t need to go
    to Oxford University’

    If you must know
    you don’t even have
    to go and study
    (up in an ivory tower)
    to protect the revolution
    in standard or higher grade

    The people will teach you
    about the political economy
    as they have done the emperor
    right here where certain grass
    is much the greener

    Maybe he’s a Freirerian
    believes in the people
    the masses have knowledge
    without diplomas and certificates
    no licence needed
    to lead the revolution

    Maybe he’s a Freirerian
    organic intellectuals first
    in the food chain then
    the traditional types
    who cram for formal papers

    Maybe he’s a Freirerian
    recognizing prior learning
    education as the practice of freedom
    so just go vote for the revolution

    Like prune juice
    it will set you free
    whether you like it or not
    without you or not

    In response to the ANC Youth League’s foot-in-mouth-emperor-leader’s threat to the counter-revolutionary University of Cape Town, I do my bit – taking-the-Mickey-out-of-Julius – before he sends his storm-troopers around to re-educate me in the ways of the correct party-line, Thursday afternoon, 16 April 2009. Perchance, just, our Malema has been speed-reading Paulo Freire.

    Comment by David Kapp | January 18, 2010 | Reply


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